There is a part of my that lives vicariously in the subs that I punish. I'm pretty sure I know what they are going through. I know first-hand what a rush it is to be controlled; to be ordered into position, with the threat of punishment hanging over your head if you do not obey. You're already going to be punished, but there may be a WORSE punishment...
I know the fear and maybe anger that may arise when the pain becomes too hard, the internal struggle to accept it, the knowledge that you need it and crave it, yet, once it starts, you wonder what you've gotten yourself into ... can you take it? Can your fantasies meet the reality>? Oh, yes, reality is much more scary. On the other hand, reality is so much more rewarding.
The aftermath of a good session, where you're lying panting and spent, and your disciplinarian holds you and tell you you are forgiven, is wonderful. You feel so strong, so much tougher, so much more alive. You're hurting and sore all over, but you can't wait to do it again...
Windsor Sunday Candid’s – 160
1 week ago
2 comments:
That was an extremely apropos description of what this is all about, at least for me, and I have a feeling we're not alone.
From reading your post it seems that having lived - or living - on both ends of the belt and brush has served you well.
There's nothing quite like that rush and emotional gunk cleaning tidal wave that just washes over you in the quiet at the end of an intense scene, when the tears begin to dry.
It's scary and painful as all hell getting there...but in the aftermath,and immdediate few days that follow, there is something like that relaxed and rejuvinated sense that follows a good massage, wrapped in the absolution and expiation of a good confession.
While all too often rare a sensation, once there, its like they say in those Visa comercials: "Pricless!"
Be well.
wonderfully written, describing some of the deepest thoughts many of us are afraid to state. Glad to know you have experienced both sides of the equation.
Well done
Mike
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