The stresses of life

I was stressed out all day yesterday, dealing with a new boss and wondering if life was going to get easier or better under her (last few months have been stressful because we've been shorthanded, now I sense I may be given more duties).

I have an appointment this evening that I'd thought about cancelling because of my mood. Instead, I'm going forward. I think it will do me good to spank someone. He needs to be punished by a strict "babysitter," I can let loose on him and get "angry." I'm bringing a hairbrush, a strap and a nice paddle.

I've felt a little out of sync with the subs in my last several sessions. I got the impression I didn't go hard enough. I spank pretty hard, but some men just need it a lot harder. Some need it lighter, however -- they're more into the humiliation or the giving over of control -- so you can't make any assumptions.

One sub felt disappointed because he was hoping for a female audience to watch him get beaten. We were playing at Paddles, so there's always the possibility of an audience, but certainly no guarantee, and unless he had collected his own audience ahead of time, there was no way I could guarantee that particular fantasy be fulfilled. Naturally, I feel disappointed, too, because I worked on him pretty hard and I was left feeling that it wasn't enough for him.

But tonight, I think I will really push my sub hard. He knows about safe words and can always use them. I will warm him up and then build up to the paddling. Yes, I think he really will get a good paddling tonight. He had a former domme who used to wash his mouth out with soap, and I'm bringing a fresh bar of soap just in case. I haven't done that to a sub yet, but maybe tonight will be the night. Can I make him cry?